EgypToz: Velcro

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Velcro

I am not a good person , or better to say I want to be a good person but I can't , I think I am bad but pretending to be good , there is so much hatred and evil inside me , I do not know where they come from

Ah yes…I do not want to edit this , I will just write what comes out of my umbilicus

You know what I feel shab?

I feel as if I am running in a vicious circle not knowing when or where it is going to end


Blogging has become a hard and painful process for me , I have a lot of things in my mind , a lot of things to write about , but I do not have the power or mood to do this , easily because I do not find a meaning to write them down …why am I blogging , what are the benefits of some people out there who read what I write , or even if someone left a comment , this is all talks , words , chat , whatever you want to describe , all shit

My friend miko used to say that with blogging you may change someone's opinion, or you may solve another one's problem, or learn/find something new about/inside yourself

Recently so many people have told me that I am going nuts , really , hey guys I am sorry I did not tell you before , I think I am beyond the borders of craziness , and in these last days I tried to find a cure for it , but I failed , I am destined to be insane , or…hmmm…

my mind is just overcrowded with lots and lots of things, I do not know what I am doing in this life, I do not know where to start from, can you imagine that, a young Egyptian man who is lost in nowhere, everything is too much, too many Egyptian people running in life to nowhere , too many problems that have to be solved , too many bad news everyday , this is too much for me , I want to have a rest from life, give me just 2 years to sleep and I will wake up after that to continue with what I was doing, or maybe start something else

ok, let me delete all what I have written above and start again


well…

I am bored, just bored from everything, even bored from breathing, walking, eating and talking , I am bored with what I am writing now , I am just repeating myself , again and again

As I have told you before …blogging was/is a sort of chat with myself, to clear up my mind, and to organize some thoughts squeezed in my brain cells, to filter my opinions that can't all be said in public, but I found out that I am still there at the same point where I have started, no improvement, no solution, so what is next?

People are the same, the magnificent condition in Egypt is the same, the atmosphere is the same, and I am the same person, just a fool person complaining and complaining, bla bla bla

…please fill in the space…

Do not think , do not try to analyze everything in your life , not every question has an answer , not every problem has a solution , just look in front of you , do not look behind you, you can not end your life , you must breathe and breathe until you die one day

I have mental problems, psychotic problems in particular, do I have to take medications to be fine…yes you have shab

I do have to be more active, more practical , more realistic; the blogging world is not the real world, if I really want to do something, I have to do it in real life , not by blogging…what is this you are writing now, this is nonsense

Pointless, meaningless, aimless…what do you want to do in life… I do not know

When I read the other blogsites/blogs/whatever they call it , I wonder what they are doing , I want to really know from other bloggers why they are blogging , I want to ask them what they feel when they are blogging , I see bloggers publishing their posts , writing about political or social problems , writing their thoughts or feelings about something , and then…and then…AND THEN…bravoooooooooo

I want to tell shab bravo…bravo that you wasted your time…bravo that you had the ability to anaesthetize yourself with this toy called blog…

I witnessed other blogs' suicides, some are fed up with blogging, and others have said it all or do not have anything more to say

...but I have

This blog is not me, I hate the word "I", I think it has been overused here!!!

... the endless conflict between "I/me hook" and the "society loop"

How can "I" talk about moral values and enlightenment if "I" do not have them at all, how should "I" be just happy because "I" should come out of my depression , why should "I" blog because "I" have a blog

"I" is/am crazy, and "I" have to confess, but isn’t it cool that "I" can feel the tiny changes that occur during the process of my mind's deterioration

4 comments:

hope said...

You are who you are, and also you are an Egyptian Shab. Unfortunately, we live in a time when many young people in Egypt do not see light at the end of the tunnel, maybe because there is none! I do not know of an easy solution to that.
I personally use my blog as a personal diary, and read other blogs as a way to understand more of the world around me. I am kind of socially isolated, and reading blogs shows me other worlds.
Be Well.

walladshab said...

hope,
edah...i know you.I remember you!!!
how are you?how is life?how is your blog?
yeah,you are right,it is cool to use it as a personal diary.
your name is hope,so hope I hope to see a light at the end of the tunnel " life" , I just hope to go to heaven "light" inshaALLAH.

:-)

star!tootas!burst!life?

hope said...

hopestarburst=tootaslife

Harry Sufehmi said...

Hi there, very interesting blog. I blog to share my knowledge. At first (about a year or two), nobody really care about it. But I don't care either, I just kept on sharing.

Now, people from all over the world are saying thanks for my blog. A posting even drew more than 1000 commentators!

Anyway, if the blog kept on like before (no commentators), I would still blog. I believe that God judges the process, not the result. So as long as I strife to be useful to the others, I'll be fine here and after.

By the way, I'm harry sufehmi. My blog is at http://harry.sufehmi.com, and I live in Indonesia with my 4 kids. My live is hectic, the daily pressure is intense (I'm an IT consultant), but I try to look on the positive aspects and when I looked down I'm grateful that I'm still living it better than many others.

Take care, and keep on blogging. Cheers !