EgypToz: and to love I rhapsodize

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

and to love I rhapsodize

My heart has chosen you
the first time I saw you
I still remember my heart beats
and this shivering sensation running through my body
from that day on
my heart is set on you
every time I talked to you
made a part of me happier
what is love for me
what is love for you
love for me is caring and sharing
when I was 18 I realized that I am alone in this creepy world
I need you so much now {..’^~


I will not write a love letter…
Why is life so complicated?
Everyone thinks he is right…
Is there something wrong in our communication?
What should happen when a man fall in love with a beautiful woman like you…
I have done things no other one in my place could really do…
And you know that for sure
I waited for the right time to tell you my feelings
The time when I know that you may like me more than a colleague
I told you in a civilized way that I like you
And that I want to know you better

…And that I am damn serious about this

I do not know what is running through your mind now
You have never experienced a man coming to you and telling you that he likes you
I can understand what feelings you have right now
But I also know that you are not young anymore
I do not know if you have shared your thoughts about this issue with someone else
What you have told me to do is not practical at all…I want to be for some time alone with you… I feel like a prisoner in your society
But I am sure that the whole process we are living now is going to the wrong direction
You know, I wished I could have a lovely romantic relationship with my other part who will live with me the rest of my life…but what we are doing is far from romance
Are you afraid from me…why don’t you show your emotions...

When I say I came here today just to see you…your answer is thank you
When I say that your smile is bloody marvelous…you say thank you
When I say that I want to talk with you in private…you change the subject

Why?...why why why

Do you think it is weakness to show me your feelings…do you feel I am not worth receiving some nice words from your mouth?


But what started as a thrilling adventurous experience collapsed in a meaningless fashion
I have learnt a lot from my previous experiences and tried to be honest and careful in this one
But this one is going to no where as I can see
Because I can sense that this is a like/love from one side…attraction is not something to learn
If you are really keen to know me more , my character , my life , my family and my friends , my dreams , my goals , me as a person who may be your husband one day , you should do something from your side too
You know how much I did to be closer to you
Calling you, sending you messages, chatting with you, preparing for dates that you never took seriously
Do you remember the day when I wanted to hear from you a clear answer: what am I to you?
I am just a friend and we will see what life will show us in the future – these were your words.
But there were no actions from you at all , how can we know each other if we do not meet , how can we be friends if we do not talk , how can I continue loving you if you never gave me a sign that you like me…you gave me a sign that you don’t want to lose me…that is what I can only see.
Should I ask you face to face the stupid question: do you like me?
Don’t misunderstand this, but my emotions were almost killed by your passiveness, I don’t see a clear feedback form you honey!

It is not true that if I just let my life go by that I will find my perfect soul mate, how can I know.
Do not laugh if I tell you that I can feel how older I get every day I wake up and see my hairs falling…and I will not let myself till my mid thirties to start living the romantic teenage life with my partner I always dream to have…I will not let the Egyptian rhythm of life stop me from reaching my goal…to be a young husband having a lovely wife with my 5 children isa…Jasmin,Tamara,Omar,Selim and Karim.

Be patient, take things easy, why you are in a hurry, calm yourself down… I am not in a hurry…but six months have past now and I do not know what I am doing right now.
You know, I need you now, more than anytime else, because you are my motivation, you are my future, you are the hope left in this cruel place , I can not go on if I do not have someone beside me , pushing me to success and perfection , someone who can listen

I want to tell you exactly how I feel right now, I feel like I am in a pet shop looking for a cat with the lowest price and best qualifications , a cat that I can cuddle every time I need someone to talk with…I do not want to be like that

Should every man on planet earth have a wife to live?
I will not die if I do not have a wife
But my life will be miserable if I do not have a “companion”…it is like this right now…I am now in a phase of slow-motion depression…I don’t want to eat not because I am not hungry…but because I can’t taste the food…I don’t want to go to my college anymore…I go to bed everyday just to escape in my sleep from this…do you know the feeling when you just sleep not because you are tired…but because you don’t want to do anything in this world…because I am fed up with all this

You can not find everything you want in your partner
But you have to find a partner first to find something you want

It hurts me a lot every time I see you talk with someone with so much interest and passion, more than you talk with me…or is this just an illusion
Sometimes I feel that as I have done the first step by introducing myself to you, I need to take the final step by going out of your life in silence

People always tell me that girls are like that, they like to wait and wait and want you to run after them.
I thought we are different, we are above all that, we are in a higher level and not acting childish like that, we are not in a game, we are not showing each other who has dignity and power, love is not a war my dear, love is a chemical reaction between two human beings, love is attraction to one another, love is more precious than all that

It is not easy at all to shut off your feelings towards someone
To move on in life and start the search for the right girl again
Why is all this happening to me?
What did I do wrong?

I can not order you to love me or even like me

I always have this f***ing question in my mind and I told you about this once: what is better? To live with someone who loves you more than you do or to live with someone you love more than he does?
This is torturing me, because I have already people who wish I could be with “them” but I can not play with people’s hearts, I can’t.

Spice me up; this strategy never works with me, to make yourself a difficult goal for me and to let myself become obsessed with you, mmm , I am not a kid here… like I said before …and I am fed up with all that

Something inside my mind is telling me that you are a treasure and I will lose a lot if I left you,
I did not understand you when you said that this may end in an unpleasant way , and you do not want to disappoint me , and that I will find one day that you do not deserve all this…what do you mean by all that…that we might not be for each other , why did you tell me that now , do we have to think like that when we begin a relationship , to have this fear of not matching with each other , sometimes we really need not to think , to let things go as it is , the natural way , and the destiny will lead us to the shore as they say,

Do you remember when I told you that these love stories we see in movies never happen, to walk in a supermarket and suddenly you see a beautiful woman and you look at her, and she looks at you, and then both fell in love instantly, this is more a joke than a reality, especially in Egypt, of course I would like to have a story like that, but it will never happen,
The other thing is that someone must love the other one more in the beginning, but there must be work from both sides, it is not fair to have someone as a spare part until you find your dream man and then you tell your spare friend that there was no chemistry, and you are sorry for that , from the start you have to be at least 60 or 70% sure that this man could be your husband in the future, but do not take me as a fun time mate ,

Oh can’t you see what our love has done, oh can’t you see what our love has done, oh can’t you see what our love has done, what it’s doing to me

I am sorry to tell you that …but I love you

3 comments:

Lamis said...

Hi,

Wow, amazing flow of sentiments, sincere feelings and emotional experience…frankly speaking I’ve always thought that men can’t be that much sensitive and romantic, I was wrong!

Loved your blog and this post particularly, good luck with your love!

Anonymous said...

dear friend this girl dont like you but just she has fear of not finding another one to love her as you did ; this is obvious but you couldn't understand cause you are deeply in love with her that's it , my advice to you " grow up ".

walladshab said...

khalas,it's over :-(